Illustration by Discord/Midjourney
By Chanie Kirschner
January 15, 2024
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and although the roots of the day are not deeply rooted in Judaism, there’s still plenty to celebrate.
In honor of the holiday, here are some Jewish jokes about love to get you in the mood!A rose by any other name
At the independent senior living facility, a few couples gather in the dining room Sunday nights to talk about their week and kibitz with each other. One of the husbands, Sol, starts telling his friend, Richie, about a fantastic restaurant he went to with his wife the previous night for dinner.
“The appetizers were out of this world, and the main course, the beef wellington, was also out of this world.”
“What was the name of the restaurant,” Richie asked.
After thinking for a moment, he asked his friend, “Hmm … what’s the name of that sweet-smelling flower?”
“A rose?” Richie guessed.
“Yes, that’s it!” Sol turned to his wife and asked, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night again?”A mother-in-law’s intuition
A young man named Jacob calls his mother one day and tells her, “Ma, just for fun, I’m going to bring three women to the house tomorrow and you’re going to guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The next day, Jacob shows up with the women and sits them down on the couch. His mother immediately starts grilling them with questions to see if she can figure out which one her son has chosen.After a full hour of questioning, she turns to her son and says, “I know which one it is.” She then points at the woman on the far right. “It’s her.”
Her son is amazed. “Ma, you’re right! How did you know?”
She replies, “I don’t like her.”
Preparing for the worst
Miriam and Yossi were married for 75 years when Yossi was on his deathbed. In the back bedroom, Yossi lay, listening to the sounds in the house around him. Soon, he started to smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. It was his favorite chocolate strudel.
His mouth began to water and he smiled, knowing that his beloved wife Miriam was making his favorite food for him to enjoy one last time.
It took all his energy to hobble from the bed into the kitchen, where he spied his wife working on the strudel. She stepped away for a moment to the refrigerator to retrieve something and Yossi reached out his hand to touch the delectable treat on the kitchen counter.
Suddenly, he felt a slap on his wrist.
“Yossi!” his wife cried out. “It’s for the shiva.”
A good man is hard to find
One sunny afternoon in Florida, Hal and Max were playing golf together. On the ninth hole, they saw a funeral procession driving past them. Mid-swing, Max paused, lowered his club and bowed his head to pray.
“You know what?” Hal remarked. “You’re a good man, Max. A really good man.”
“Well,” Max replied. “What can I say? We were married for 35 years.”
Lost in translation
At a synagogue in Manhattan, Rabbi Gold was giving a refresher course to long-married couples on keeping the romance alive in relationships even when you’ve been together a long time.
“For example,” Rabbi Gold began, “it’s important to know what your wife likes, her favorite dessert, her favorite book, her favorite flower.”
“That’s an easy one,” Harry whispered to his wife, Claire. “It’s Gold Medal All-Purpose flour, right?”
