“Rabbi, is it true I can get married here?”
This wasn’t a question from a young bride or groom, planning their wedding day and looking to build a Jewish life and family together with the blessing of their community. Instead, this query came from a wizened member of my synagogue, who had been married to her partner for many years – together producing two responsible Jewish adults.
Like many couples and families in our Progressive communities, she is an active participant in congregational life and a proud part of a Jewish family, though not Jewish herself.
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Last year – in common with many others in our Progressive Jewish movements – my synagogue’s council made the choice to allow the blessing of mixed-faith unions inside of our prayer hall.
So when she asked me this question, I was proud to be able to give her a simple and emphatic “yes”.
I think about the time before we made that decision. How, when she entered our prayer hall previously, she may have felt that her love was unsanctionable in that sacred space. That her soul’s home was not yet inclusive enough to hold her love.
It says in the book of Proverbs: “Anxiety on the mind drags down, and a good word brings joy” (12:25).
By replying “yes”, that her love and life could be celebrated with her community, I could see a weight lifting off of her shoulders. It was as if she had removed a burr from under her clothing, near her heart, and now the unconscious friction is replaced with pride of belonging.
Some can often feel that relationships with communities require us to dress and act a certain way in order to be accepted, to speak a certain ‘in’ language as we try to carve out our special place inside of the crowd. When there is enough dissonance between the inner self, and the person we have to portray to others, it isn’t a healthy space for our souls.
That’s why I believe, however you live and you love, it is important to find a place where your soul can experience the joy of being fully itself, in a community you can call ‘home’.
