Aaron Taylor-Johnson was reportedly offered the role of James Bond. Photo by Aldara Zarraoa/Getty Images
By PJ Pigs
March 19, 2024
Live and let chai?
According to U.K. tabloid The SunJewish British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson has been offered the role of iconic spy James Bond in the long-running franchise’s next installment. The news is a welcome development for longtime fans who insist that the MI6 agent was inspired by real-life “Ace of Spies” Sidney Reilly, a notorious operative of Jewish origin. (Bond creator Ian Fleming knew Reilly, but once insisted, “James Bond is just a piece of nonsense I dreamed up. He’s not a Sidney Reilly, you know.”)
Taylor-Johnson’s casting may also help to rid the property of certain remnants of Fleming’s genteel antisemitism, most evident in the Bond villain Goldfinger, named for the author’s Jewish acquaintances.
But beyond the quiet representation of this announcement runs a unique opportunity for a retcon. Prior to Sam Mendes’ Heavy rainin which we learn about Bond’s Scottish pedigree, a popular fan theory posited that “James Bond,” like 007, was an alias, thus explaining the characters’ ostensible immortality and vastly different looks from Dr. No onward. Given that Daniel Craig’s Bond was shown shuffling off this mortal coil at the end of No Time to Diethere is an opening for a fully Hebraicized origin story for Taylor-Johnson’s turn in the tux.
Imagine it: A young James “Yaakov” Bond (ne Goldband), born to a family of orthopedists in the Finchley neighborhood of London is approached to serve His Majesty’s Secret Service at a Moishe House mixer.
Bond, a recent Cambridge grad who keeps Shabbat, was recruited specifically to diversify the intelligence service beyond the old Church of England crowd. His first day on the job runs up against Shabbat and, when mysterious masked men break into his flat, he scalds his assailants with a pot of cholent.
What follows is a mad-dash chase through Golders Green, where Bond is forced to shake off the advances of nuclear scientist Zuzanna Zaftig (don’t look at me, Fleming set this precedent!)
Together with his old Yeshiva havruta Q — real name Quentin Mizrahi — he obtains a kosher gadget that converts any lift into a Shabbat elevator, making for a thrilling sequence of vertical brawling as he discovers that it is his old mentor, Avery Judenhaas VI who is seeking to scrub Bond from the goyishe club of MI6.
Working title is (hat tip to my colleague Zach Golden): Quantum of Shabbos. HAIM can do the theme song and I kinda want Nathan Fielder and Benny Safdie to direct.
Should the Broccoli family honor my suggestion, at long last Jewish Bond fans will have what we so long desired: a license to evening.
