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DEAR ABBY: After their 25th anniversary dinner, my nephew “Will” was blindsided when his wife announced that she had never loved him and has been in love with her stepbrother since her teens. Will had supported her completely and gladly. (She wanted to be a stay-at-home mother; he makes good money.) This hurt him terribly.
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Will has met another woman on Facebook Dating, and they’ve been seeing each other for a few months. She’s a certified nursing assistant and is now wearing a huge diamond ring from Will. She constantly posts statements on Facebook about what she wants. Cruises are her main desire. Yesterday, she posted that she’s looking forward to three of them.
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I don’t know what CNAs earn, but she has several adult children with kids she spends a lot of time with and posts pictures of outings. This is good, but I’m afraid she has targeted Will as he was hurting from being blindsided. Is there a tactful way to caution him to be careful so he doesn’t get used again? — CONCERNED AUNTIE IN FLORIDA
DEAR AUNTIE: I may sound like a broken record, but there is a reason why folks are advised to “wait a year” before making important decisions after a death. In your nephew’s case, the death of his marriage would qualify. Giving a woman he has known only a short time the Rock of Gibraltar for her ring finger seems a bit premature.
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It would not be wrong to mention to your nephew that before he makes any lifelong promises to anyone, it’s important he have premarital counseling as well as discuss drawing up a prenuptial agreement with his attorney. (The counsel he is using for his divorce could qualify.)
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married more than 20 years. You read it correctly. This afternoon, my husband came home and told me our neighbours had invited him out to dinner to thank him for helping them with their yard work yesterday. Usually, I’m at work in the afternoon, but today was my day off. When I asked him if I was included, he said, “No. Just me!” I felt bad but didn’t show it.
My husband came home a few hours later and began talking to our adult son about their evening as if I wasn’t there. When I asked why he didn’t tell them I was home and would’ve come along, his response was, “I KNEW you would somehow make it my fault that you didn’t come!” I told him it didn’t look right that he was tagging along while his wife was left behind. Am I overreacting? — MRS. LEFT OUT
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DEAR MRS. LEFT OUT: Your neighbours were wrong to invite your husband out and exclude you. But what happened after that makes me wonder if something more is wrong in your relationship with your husband. (“I KNEW you would make it my fault,” etc.) If this is a symptom of a larger problem, you and your husband should discuss it with the help of a marriage and family therapist. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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