When it comes to what is holding a marriage in harmony, the word “compromise” is most often called the first.
Forbes writes about this.
In the imagination, a picture immediately arises: two people go towards each other, everyone sacrifices a little his desires for the sake of balance in a relationship.
It is noted that making concessions is not always unpleasant – often this is done from a sincere love for a partner. However, real practice shows that there is another, deeper skill that is able to provide long -term happiness in marriage – “cognitive generosity”.
The essence of this habit is to interpret the words, actions and motives of the partner in the most friendly way. This means that even in everyday bustle and small quarrels, a person chooses to assume the good, and not look for a catch or criticism.
Instead of counting who has lost how much, couples practicing cognitive generosity are focused on the meaning and values of the partner’s actions. As a result, misunderstandings remain small, disputes become the reason for joint development, and the manifestations of care are perceived brighter, strengthening the foundation of marriage.
At the same time, a compromise is often perceived as an exchange – yes, it helps to relieve tension, but often leaves that one sacrificed more than the other. The 2018 study, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, showed: we often do not notice the efforts of the partner, and when we notice, the one who lost, may feel underestimated and less happy in relations.
Cognitive generosity helps to change this scenario: she teaches to see good intentions even behind trifles – whether it be morning coffee prepared by a loved one, or a short message with warm words. This creates an atmosphere of mutual gratitude and enhances the feeling of “we”, not “I am against you”.
If the relationship is built exclusively at permanent tenders, the couple risks turning into two people who are negotiating with each other. But with the approach of “we in the same team”, partners more easily overcome difficulties, share responsibility and act together even in stressful circumstances.
Previously, the psychologist called the principle that helps to build Happy relationship.
